We are the no-no generation.

The highs and the lows come daily.

And it seems like everyone around is fighting invisible demons that seem to be winning.

I deserve a good slap in the face for what I've done.

I've been blaming someone else for their demons, being tired of seeing them surrendering to the dark passenger.

As if, I didn't surrender to mine years ago...

I block it from my thoughts because it's embarrassing, I'm ashamed that I let it go that far. But the last thing I want is help.

Sometimes your demons become your best friends and they are oh so comforting in their own way.

That's something they do not tell you as a kid. Everyone grows older, stronger, and develops some kind of dark passenger. Alcoholism, drug addictions, eating disorder, violence, insecurities, lies.

Lies.

Oh Boy

Let me tell you something. Living with an alcoholic is hard.

The hardest thing I've ever done.

But sometimes, you believe in that person so much that you are willing to go through it.

Now, growing up, I used to hear stories about women living with addicts, how mentally and physically abusive those relationships were...

I always thought, and I'm sure so do you, that no one should stay in that kind of relationship, that it would never happened to me, and that there was no reason to be with an addict.

Well, it happened to me. I fell in love with him, then found out that the drinking was not just recreational, but an evil need.

And for all of you that agree with my earlier statement, things are not so black and white from the inside.

Truth is, every alcoholic is not abusive. They can be loving, caring, hard working and talented.

You can live happily with them, without being abused.

They can drink heavily without getting violent. Actually they just get giddy, dancy and funny.

But, after all, alcoholism is a disease.

And at the end of the day, knowing that your lover is sick is one of the most painful things to ignore.

When do you know it's right?

If you were born a girl, or became one later on in life, you've been warned once or twice about the famous gut feeling, the one you can't control, can't quite grasp but can't get rid of.

So, thank you for the sixth sense, but what exactly are we supposed to do with it?

They tell us to follow it, not ignore it, trust it.

What if my gut feeling is as confused as me...? 

And it goes back and forth... 'til I can get a hold of a glass of wine (who am I kidding, the whole bottle)

So which one of those is the gut feeling? How do you know what's right?

You don't, and you just torture yourself to the point of complete numbness.

I guess it's just a bad combination of insecurity, hormones and this crazy need that us, women, have to know what's going to happen in advance. So we can get ready for the worst.

Good luck to all of us...

Background check

Growing up as a 90's kid, with dad cheating on mom, it was hard to believe love was around the corner. Even though, deep down, I was hoping to meet someone and fall in love, my real plan was to focus on my career and nothing else.

Be an Independent Woman.

I still dated, fell for a couple guys, got my heartbroken, you know, the whole shebang.

And then he came. In my bed first, then into my life. Or was it the other way around?

Point is, I am now in a serious, committed relationship.

And this is the story of the roller coaster I embarked on a year and a half ago.

Or in other words, my attempt at a Carrie Bradshaw therapy. Shrinks are too darn expensive these days.